Reclaiming Your Libido

In a society ravenous for sex, Brenda McHugh, a 40-ish, married mother of two and pediatrician in New Jersey has simply lost her appetite. Once, Brenda eagerly indulged in "great sex" with her husband.

Gradually, McHugh lost interest in sex. Even if she were in the presence of a smorgasbord of alluring men, McHugh feels she would not have the urge to merge. "Sexual desire does not seem to be a part of my nature anymore," she says.

McHugh is not alone. According to the findings of a NIH-sponsored survey published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (Feb. 10, 1999) 43 percent of women report recognizable sexual dysfunction. Problems range from not being able to have orgasms to having no sexual desire at all.

In fact, 35 percent of the estimated 40 to 50 million women who have sexual dysfunction have no or low sexual desire — what the experts call hypoactive sex drive, or HSD for short. By definition, women with HSD lack sexual fantasies, suddenly find sex uninteresting, and rarely masturbate. "They feel neutered — nothing turns them on," says Susan Kellogg-Spadt, director of sexual medicine at the Pelvic Floor Institute, Graduate Hospital in Philadelphia.

While women with HSD may not feel deprived without sex, a defining feature is that lack of libido causes distress. "I worry about losing my husband and am sad to be missing out on this natural — and pleasurable — part of living," says McHugh.

The devastating effect on women's self-esteem and a couple's relationship is compounded by the fact that ours is a hyper-sexualized society, says Kellogg-Spadt. "The media would have us believe that women are in sexual ecstasy simply by opening a bottle of herbal shampoo."

Libido Can Be Reclaimed
The good news is that libido can be restored, although it may take more than a Viagra-like aphrodisiac. With men, HSD is usually related to an erection problem. But a woman's lack of sexual desire is often more complex, and directly intertwined with many aspects of her life.

"Female sexual dysfunction is like a pie made up of relationship conflicts, emotional issues, past traumas, hormonal imbalances and physical responses such as pain, arousal, or orgasm problems," says Laura Berman, Ph.D, co-director of the Center for Women's Urology and Sexual Medicine at UCLA Medical Center and co-author of For Women: A Revolutionary Guide to Overcoming Sexual Dysfunction and Reclaiming Your Sex Life. "A problem in one area impacts on the other," she says.

Emerging research is revealing that libido is neither all in your head nor all in your body, says Dr. Berman. "Reclaiming desire takes a mind-body approach customized to each woman's symptoms. There is no magic cure and no one set solution."
Uncovering the Sex Squelchers
You have to investigate a bit. Start by asking yourself what symptoms you have related to fantasies, arousal, vaginal dryness, genital sensation, and orgasm. When did the libido problems begin? Were these problems sudden or gradual? What else was going on in your life when your interest in sex took a nosedive?