When Is Sex Hot and When Is It Not?

Gina, 34 (single)

* Sizzle… The best sexual experiences for me have always been with men I have established an emotional connection with. After that, spontaneity is a real turn-on — don't pencil me into your Palm Pilot!
* Fizzle… Planned sex is a real turn-off for me. After that, there are a number of things that can point the sex-meter closer to fizzling than sizzling — it could be an argument, physical exhaustion, stress or just one of those days when I'm feeling not-so-sexy.

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Randy, 46 (single)

* Sizzle… Passion — the burning desire to be with someone. Part of it is feeling really attracted to the person — the physical characteristics — and part is communication.
* Fizzle… Without the physical attraction, the chemistry isn't there. Conflict and resentment are turn-offs, too.

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Jason, 33 (single)

* Sizzle… The best is what I call "aerobic sex," when you're fully out of breath, completely spent and you know — or at least you believe! — that you're making the other person feel amazing. That's when I can relax and give in to it completely.
* Fizzle… A person who can't kiss past a pucker. And continued bashfulness — I don't care how fit you are, you have to shake what you have and feel sexy, or it's a total turn-off.

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Gisela, 43 (single)

* Sizzle… A mutual understanding of what a partner wants, both in and out of bed, is so sexy. An honest, sincere, straightforward person who has experience. And I like men and women — I want a man who will be okay with that. You'd think that would be easy to find, but it's not!
* Fizzle… It fizzles if it's just for sex and not for the pleasure of both people. Bragging, like kids, is a total turn-off.

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Whit, 32 (single)

* Sizzle… Anything unexpected can make sex hot — a break from the norm always makes it memorable. I could write a book — change of location, change of positions, foreplay style, afterplay. A vocal expression is the best — a loud outburst like: "Whit, you da man!"
* Fizzle… That's easy. Lack of communication about the sex that's goin' on makes the top of my list. It's too much guesswork if you don't know what feels good to her because no two women are the same. It's important to cater your style to the woman you're with, and not assume she likes what the last woman did.

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Rick, 22 (single)

* Sizzle… It's best in the beginning, when everything's new. There's a physical part, and then there's love. The mental aspect — the love — adds to the attraction and makes you feel like you're doing the right thing.
* Fizzle… When you feel you're just a number in someone's life. There's no commitment, and things are getting old. A turn-off is someone being just into themselves and what they want.

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Donna, 50+ (single)

* Sizzle… The best sex I had was in my 20s. He always knew what I wanted and could wait until we could come together. You attract and sizzle automatically — it must be chemistry, not something learned.
* Fizzle… You definitely have to have an orgasm. Talk about fizzle — it's nothing without that.

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Bill, 83 (married)

* Sizzle… A very attractive wife like my Win. We have similar interests — we love to dance and travel — and that kind of connection can translate into great lovemaking. We're very close in all respects, physically and emotionally, even more so after 53 years of being together.
* Fizzle… As a result of prostate cancer you can become impotent and can't get an erection. But we've still got it — I'm a lover, a hugger, a kisser — though it's not like before.

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Dori, 25 (married)

* Sizzle… Self-confidence. Confidence is sexy no matter what. Lack of inhibitions, aggressiveness, taking initiative.
* Fizzle… Roommates. My husband and I have them now — that's why we're buying a house!

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Sam, 53 (married)

* Sizzle… It takes two to tango. It takes two good companions, with a good relationship outside of the bed. At 53, you might like a 26-year-old hard-body who can do everything, but that's a selfish point of view. It might sizzle for you, but it won't for her.
* Fizzle… If there's poor compatibility mentally, it might be good that one time, but that's it. It's bad if you're doing it for the wrong reason, just to do it instead of to enhance your relationship.

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Ernest, 63 (married)

* Sizzle… I'm a normal, straight-down-the-line sort of guy. I don't like the unusual stuff, or sex just for convenience. I have to be attracted. My marriage became sexless 20 years ago. My wife accepts that I seek sizzle in extracurricular activities.
* Fizzle… I don't go out with a lady if I'm not attracted. And physically they can be too small sexually. I'm a little bigger than average and sometimes it's just not a fit. I don't like to go right at it; I like to enjoy touching, foreplay — to set things up.