Women most often cite fatigue as the reason for a decrease in, or loss of, libido. I haven’t met a tired woman yet who cares a bit about sex. Appropriately so, as a tired body is focused on taking care of itself. The second most common reason women tell me they have decreased interest in sex is their dissatisfaction with their appearance. Given the often unrealistic yet prevailing standards of American beauty, it is challenging for many women to feel attractive. Masturbation is one way to honor our sexuality conveniently and privately.
Because we are in control of our bodies when we masturbate, we can learn a lot about who we are. We can cultivate positive feelings about our miraculous bodies, giving us confidence from the inside out and the potential to heal any past negative sexual experiences.
These are all good reasons to reconsider our views on masturbation, but there are also several other reasons why masturbation can help us feel more confident and connected:
* Improves our mood. Masturbation helps relieve depressive emotions. As we become aroused, the hormone levels of dopamine and epinephrine soar in our bodies. Both of these hormones are mood-boosters. Many studies show that women who report personal satisfaction with their sex lives live a better quality of life overall.
* Relieves stress. In her book For Yourself, noted sex therapist Lonnie Barbach explains that the stress resulting from avoiding sex can create the kind of body imbalances we mentioned earlier. She writes that masturbation can help relieve emotional stress by taking time for ourselves, amidst the demands of home, family, and work.
* Strengthens our relationship with ourselves. When we know, love, and nurture ourselves on emotional and physical levels, we gain confidence and grow through self-awareness. Being able to recognize, articulate, and experience what brings pleasure is a powerful step toward fulfillment.
* Strengthens sexual relationship with partner. Many couples have different sexual drives and needs. Masturbation is one way to meet personal needs not met by a partner. It can be shared with a partner. Witnessing a partner masturbate can teach us what methods our partners use so we can learn what they enjoy. It can also open the lines of communication between partners who otherwise might be assuming that the “routine” is still working.
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When it comes to a woman’s health, self-pleasuring (solo masturbation) serves her well by:
— Building her resistance to yeast infections.
— Combating pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with their menstrual cycles, like cramps.
— Relieving painful menstruation by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region. This will also reduce pelvic cramping and related backaches.
— Relieving chronic back pain and increasing her threshold for pain.
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